I am here. My first post on this blog was dated 6/23/2010 -- just over two years ago. I chose the name "howdidIgethere" because I found myself somewhere that I never expected to be: on my own again after my husband of ~20 years had suddenly announced he didn't want to be married to me anymore. I was also, at that time, newly moved into my home which I bought after having to sell the home I lived in with my (now-ex) husband and our daughters.
The blog was started as a part of my Day Zero Project, as a way to keep track of my progress, since I found myself a little lacking in focus and direction, which were helped along by the Project. With a "new" home, one daughter mostly out of the house, the other headed to college in the fall, I had the opportunity -- and the need -- to set down some new roots as a single person, as well as continuing to heal and put back the pieces from the devastation I'd experienced.
I have now been divorced for a little over a year. D#1 graduated from college last year and recently took a job in Washington DC, while D#2 is halfway through her college years. I am close to them both and see them or communicate with them regularly. My home is slowly becoming "mine", reflecting my style and personality. (Notice the purple chairs on the porch!) In addition to my family (blood and "adopted:"), I've been blessed with a group of friends who I've known for a number of years, joined by some new ones who know me only as a single person. I have traveled on business but also visited D#1 when she studied in Egypt, and vacationed by myself to attend the major quilt show in Paducah, Kentucky. D#1 and I are now planning to spend Christmas in London, meeting D#2 when she finishes her fall semester studying there at Queen Mary College.
In general, I can say honestly that I like where I am (both physically and mentally) right now. Given where I was almost 5 years ago, when my life had been shattered, I believe I have made incredible progress in re-creating a good life from those shards. I no longer think of myself as a "left-behind spouse" but just as a single adult, with almost-grown children. I believe I have been a good role model for my daughters, as well as being a source of strength and support for them as they faced the changes in their lives.
"How did I get here?" is still a valid question. But "here" is not the same place I was back then. And I no longer ask it out of confusion Instead, I look back on where I was then, and where I am now, and vow to continue on the path that got me this far. Thank you to all of you who were there for me at any time in the past. I am blessed to have you in my life.
Edited to add this, with my deepest thanks. It was posted to my Facebook page by Nancy and seems to sum it up succinctly.
